Becoming who I really am
Becoming who I really am
7 February 2022
Spencer is now medially transitioning, working, and using his skills to tell people about God.
Life began for me in the regional Victorian city of Ballarat. My parents are Salvation Army officers, so we moved several times as I was growing up.
My early childhood was spent in Ballarat and Melbourne. When I was four years old, we moved to Alice Springs and spent the next eight years there. The climate and the culture were very different to Victoria, and I felt very out of place in many ways there.
At around the age of six or seven, I felt that something wasn’t quite right with being seen as female. At school, whenever the boys and girls would be split up, there was a sense that I was standing on the wrong side. It was also the same at church camps.
I was ashamed of the conflict between my brain and my body. I didn’t understand it or have the words to explain it. It wasn’t really talked about then, and there weren’t the resources available that we have today. I tried to block it out as much as I could, which really impacted my life.
We moved to Darwin at the time I was starting high school. I had an inkling by then of what was going on with my gender identity, but I didn’t want to accept that at all. It was scary and unknown. I just tried not to ever think about it and to live as a female.
This was not good for my mental health. Through this time, I was also horrendously bullied at school, which was another reason not to deal with the mixture of feelings I was experiencing. I was very good at hiding it from my family and my church.
Initial support
In 2015, we were back in Victoria. I started going to a house church in Bendigo led by a couple who were part of the Salvos. More than half of this group belonged to the LGBTQIA+ community. It was an eye-opening experience and made a huge difference in my life. It was a church for me, where I knew people were loved by God exactly the way they were.
Looking back, I can see that this was a huge step forward for me in being accepted as I am. It was a safe place to learn about God and that has inspired me to be a part of the conversation of moving the LGBTQIA+ community forward in the Church.
In 2016, I went on to study 3D animation at the SAE Institute in Melbourne. I was secure enough in life to finally explore what all my feelings were about. When I came out to my house church, they fully supported me.
The university had free counselling, which I took up. I told the counsellor that I thought I was transgender and didn’t know what to do next. The counsellor arranged an appointment with a GP [general practitioner] who specialised in trans health. For the first time, I felt understood and that there were words to explain what was going on for me.
Coming out
Coming out is terrifying for most people, especially in their church community, because you feel unsure of how people will react. I started with my sister, as I knew she would be supportive. She helped me come out to my parents, and I knew deep down they would be okay. It was a bit of a shock for them at first, which was to be expected as I’d never talked about it before. But their love for me went beyond the boundaries of gender.
Most of the Salvos community supported me. I heard that some people were concerned with what I was doing, but I think that was due to a lack of education about transgender people. At the Bendigo Salvos, where I go, everyone is very accepting.
I was blessed to be accepted. Sadly, I am aware this is not the case for everyone. I appreciated I had my house church as a good support system.
Once I had come out, I had a sense of freedom. I was so relieved. I could finally be authentic to who I was created to be, and I started recognising myself more.
Changes in my study meant I attended a new university. I began using my male name there, as well as male pronouns. It was refreshing at this uni to hear people being asked what pronouns they used. I also began medically transitioning. Once this process started, I felt like I was actually living, not just being alive.
Education
Both the Church and society are getting there with gender-diversity education and acceptance, but more is needed. The most important thing is to have the voices of trans people at the front of the conversation.
Education can include just listening to someone’s story, being willing to accept that people are different and learning the history of trans and gender-diverse people. Just because I’m different doesn’t mean God didn’t create me this way.
Without education, terrible damage can be done. I had a few incidences with people from other churches telling me that what I was doing was an abomination and I needed Jesus to ‘cure me’. That was very hurtful and traumatising. But I am saved by God already.
I stopped going to mainstream churches for a while because I didn’t want to put myself in those situations.
Sadly, not everyone will understand. God created me this way for a reason, and that’s okay. There are many people who are accepting and are trying to make a difference, which is good, but we still have a long way to go, and we must keep going. The suicide rate alone in the trans community is horrendous.
For trans and gender-diverse people struggling, I would suggest finding a really good support system, whether in a church or not, and with people who understand and accept you the way you are. And also, to believe that you are actually okay the way you are. You’re created a certain way and are trying to live an authentic life.
I want to remind you that you are ‘fearfully and wonderfully made’. Jesus is willing to leave the 99 sheep to find the one who is missing, and to bring you back to a community who loves and accepts you.
And to the Church – we need to do better. It’s education. It’s being like Jesus and standing up for those who don’t have voices. Sometimes doing that puts you on the outside, but isn’t that what Jesus did? He was always on the outside with the outcasts.
I’ve always been interested in video games and animated films. That was an outlet for me when I was growing up, and I knew I wanted to end up in the creative industry.
One of the things I want to do now is use my creative skills and reach out to tell the story of God and how he loves and accepts us all. I want to tell people about him and that love.
Comments
Spencer, congratulations for bravely sharing your story.
What can I say accept this is such a beautiful moment in history.
To see an ever growing example of the LGBTQI community accepted, embraced and included into our Salvo family is truly a beautiful testimony to what the Kingdom of God is about, and what The Salvation Army could be if soldiership became inclusive for everyone.
More power to you! I also commend your passion for animation. I hope you too can come along to the Bellarine Salvos and work together on some media projects together with our team.
Loads of love to you! And everyone in the LGBTQI community.