Friendship that refreshes the soul
Friendship that refreshes the soul
14 February 2022
The greatest kindness we can offer others is letting them know they are not alone. Getty Images
It was a moment between mask-wearing mandates. I smiled at a woman in the supermarket, and when she smiled back, I was filled with joy! It wasn’t just her eyes that smiled at me, but her whole face. I realised how long it had been since we had been able to connect with each other in ways that we used to – to see faces, hug each other, and not worry about keeping our distance.
I think of a grandmother finally getting to hold her two-year-old granddaughter, of sisters embracing for the first time in two years, and of countless others still waiting and longing to be together again, to hold each other and to connect in ways that are not on-screen and online.
Yes, it has been wonderful to connect online, over the phone, and using other technologies. This has helped us stay in touch with people we love, show we care, laugh, and weep together. Yet these ways of connecting have perhaps reminded us of how important it is to actually be together, just to enjoy each other, to be able to touch and hold.
Valuing friendships
Amid all the uncertainty and anxiety about social and family gatherings, we have become aware, more than ever, of the importance of friendships and relationships. We are, after all, created to connect and be in relationship with others. Caring, authentic relationships bring out the best in us. True friendships encourage us to be positive, hopeful, strong when we feel like giving up, and brave when facing difficulties.
Some of the friends I value the most, regardless of how long I have known them, make me laugh, think, cry with me at times, listen to me, and challenge me to be a better person. We share our hopes and dreams, stories, problems, and fears. In such sharing, as we listen deeply to each other, we are offering ourselves and our support. Every one of us can be the kind of friend that does this for another.
Even when we are far away from those we love the most, we can build connections and develop new friendships with the people who are nearby. We can offer them the kind of support and encouragement we receive from our closest friends.
Showing kindness
Perhaps the most important part of any friendship or any family relationship is kindness – the kindness that we show when we listen, encourage, and offer support. Many people don’t receive a great deal of kindness in their lives and may even be surprised when it is offered – and yet, it is quite easy to give.
Our world so often idealises love – romantic love, family love, and so on. Songs, stories, plays, and movies abound on this theme, which frequently gives rise to disappointment and disillusionment with love. Perhaps it’s not so much love that the world needs more of right now, but kindness. Kindness is closely connected to love, yet often without the entanglements or high expectations that love can bring.
When I think about friendship, it is the kindness of listening, of understanding, of acceptance that means most to me. Kindness can be as practical as baking brownies for a new neighbour or helping an elderly friend mow their lawn. It can be as easy as listening to someone share their story. It can be as simple as being accepted for who I am and knowing that I don’t need to try to be anything else or anything more than that.
Kindness is giving someone time and space, even when we don’t have any answers for them and feel we have nothing to give. The greatest kindness we can offer others is letting them know they are not alone, that we don’t have all the answers, and may also feel inadequate much of the time. There is huge kindness shown by simply connecting with others and letting them know we care.
As easy as it can be to show kindness, it is just as easy to be unkind, or simply fail to be kind, to turn away from the opportunity to offer kindness to someone. It’s easy to become absorbed in our doubts and uncertainty or to feel overwhelmed with the problems we have to deal with. It may even feel that we just don’t have any spare energy to be kind to others. Simply living the lives we live can be exhausting. The truth, however, is that when we do reach out to others, even with small acts of kindness, we receive far more than we give. In being kind to others, we boost ourselves, not only in the burst of feel-good hormones that are released but also in building strong, healthy connections with others. As we give to others, we’re reminded that we are not alone and part of something significant.
I’m deeply grateful for the depth and variety of friendships in my life and the kindness that I have received from them, from people in my neighbourhood, and at times from strangers. Such experiences remind me of how easy it can be for me to offer similar kindness to others around me – and this does indeed make the world a more beautiful place.
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