Summer 2: Solitude with a mate
Summer 2: Solitude with a mate
8 January 2020
Solitude with a mate is time to spend alone with God, and then sharing the journey with a friend and growing together. Photo: Blake Wisz.
I’m not much for solitude, even less for silence, yet I know when I get alone with God and quieten myself, God does his best work in me. So how does a guy, who loves conversation, shut up and be still?
I’ve been on spiritual retreats. Obviously not a full-on silent one! But I have done a day or two apart where you read, reflect and a person reads a poem with the sound of a flute playing over the top of rain played in the background. I even painted a candle once! Surprisingly, these times away have been helpful and, I’m doing better at them (although I still haven’t completed a silent retreat!)
What I learnt from these retreats is that the best time for me was the conversation you would have around the dinner table, or at the close of the day when I got to hear what God had been saying and doing in the lives of others, and I also shared my story. Which is why I do solitude with a mate.
Solitude with a mate is exactly what it says. I invite a mate to join me for a period of solitude. We go to a park, the beach, even a coffee shop if the weather is terrible. Once there, we go our separate ways for an agreed period during which it is just God and me. Over the years, I’ve learnt to leave behind the books ‘I might read’ and to just take my Bible and a notebook or my tablet for journaling. In this space, by myself, I give my attention to God. The phone is off. I don’t check emails or browse facebook. I expect God to speak to me and give him every opportunity to do so.
Sometimes in my solitude, I use the space to pray the Scriptures, write out a prayer, or create my own psalm. Mostly, however, I want God to speak to me, and so I try not to come with an agenda or a list and instead endeavour to be open and attentive to his Holy Spirit speaking through the Word.
When ‘times up’ my mate and I meet again for a coffee. While drinking, we share what God has been saying into our lives. Having previously agreed that we will not try and ‘fix’ each other with our advice and wisdom, we listen to what God has been saying and doing in one another’s lives. We offer encouragement, affirm challenges and offer to hold the other accountable to the decisions they might have made.
At the end of the year, having met every month, we have become better mates through the sharing of the journey of transformation as God works in us. We’ve shared ‘Aha moments’ of self-realisations and eye-opening Scripture discoveries. God has called out our behaviours and attitudes plus given some calming affirmations and promises in our circumstances. And often we have found that the work God is doing in one of us is the work he wants to do in the other.
Why do I do solitude with a mate instead of just by myself? Accountability and encouragement. I’ve put personal retreat days in my diary before, and they are easy to cancel for ‘more pressing appointments’. But I don’t cancel on my mate. We hold each other to the discipline of time away with God through a process of encouragement. I find sharing what God is doing and saying to me helps make it real and telling another encourages me to put it into action. Our time together post-solitude is a time of encouragement, building one another up and cheering each other one.
Over the years I’ve had a few mates, and as this year comes to a close, my mate will be moving on. So I approached a friend, explained my ‘solitude with a mate’ practice and asked if he would be interested. We kick off together in January. And my current mate? He found a friend in his new town, shared this year’s experience, and they also will do solitude together in the new year.
Could you find a mate to meet with God?
Major Clarke is Area Officer, Central and South Australia, South Australia/Northern Territory Division.
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